Are You a Good First Date?
I've brought up past relationships during initial dates.
My main aim for a first date is simply to connect with someone and enjoy our time together.
I focus more on sharing my own story than learning about my date's background.
I notice my date's nonverbal cues and subtly match their gestures, like smiling or leaning in.
I let my date finish speaking without cutting in, even when I'm excited to contribute.
I think first dates should involve sharing personal vulnerabilities and intimate details.
I wait at least 72 hours before reaching out after a first date.
Discussing sexual topics is acceptable during an initial meeting.
I approach first dates with the hope of finding a committed partnership.
When physical attraction isn't instant, I might disengage mentally during the date.
My own anxiety about making a good impression can distract me from focusing on my date.
After a successful first date, I'll propose specific arrangements for meeting again.
It's fine to discuss difficult or traumatic life events on a first date.
To prevent uncomfortable silences, I tend to fill the conversation with continuous talk.
I subscribe to the idea of destined romantic partners and fated connections.
Glancing at my phone or checking notifications during a date is permissible.
If a date goes smoothly, I'll hint at future plans without setting a definite date.
First dates feel like high-pressure evaluations, similar to job interviews, which adds to my stress.
A first date's purpose is to gather enough information to decide about a potential second meeting.
If I believe a first date went well but the other person doesn't follow up, I don't take it personally.
20 questions remaining
What to Know
- A 2013 study found that both men and women looking for heterosexual relationships were more likely to feel a stronger connection if the woman talked about herself on the date. Women, on the other hand, wanted their date to keep the conversation going and make it interesting. This suggests that many people still follow what some researchers call "gender scripts" for dating.
- Research shows that interruptions and long pauses can make you feel less connected to a new person. However, interjections like "um" and "yeah" don't actually hurt the flow of conversation.
- Many people think that love at first sight is real. For example, many long-term couples say years later that they fell in love at first sight, but this is probably a false memory because research shows that the phenomenon, if it even exists, is rarely mutual.
- In speed-dating studies, men are more likely than women to find their potential partners attractive and to judge them based on their looks.
- People are often very nervous about how they look on a first date, and there are good reasons to take care of how you present yourself: Studies indicate that we form rapid assessments regarding the appearance of others. However, other studies show that you don't have to be very good-looking to find a partner; you just have to be good-looking enough to attract the person you're with. According to assortative mating theory, partners tend to have similar levels of attractiveness.
Take It Up a Notch
- Connect beyond words. Paying attention to things like eye contact, nods, smiles, and walking in sync can help you connect more deeply and figure out if you and your date are on the same page.
- Be careful not to share too much. Some people may share too much about themselves on a first date, whether they mean to or not. This can make people who are still basically strangers feel like they are closer than they really are.
- Think about getting therapy or coaching. If you feel like you're doing everything right on first dates but your social life is still stuck, talking to a professional could help.
