Family Estrangement Test for the Adult Child
Sometimes, cutting off communication with a parent feels like the only way to address certain issues.
I carry a sense of embarrassment about not speaking with my parent.
When a parent strongly objects to your life decisions, ending contact might be justified.
Even though we're not in touch, my parent frequently crosses my mind.
If my parent acknowledges the pain they caused during my upbringing, I'd be open to reconnecting.
It wasn't until I reached adulthood that I recognized the shortcomings of my childhood.
My parent struggles with emotional flexibility.
Without my parent admitting their mistakes, maintaining distance seems wise.
As an adult, maintaining a bond with a parent is a choice, not an obligation.
My parent seems unaware that their parenting methods caused harm.
My parent and I disagree on numerous topics, yet we manage a decent relationship.
Bringing up negative childhood memories makes my parent defensive, as if I'm attacking them.
My partner convinced me that distancing myself from my family is the healthiest path forward.
My parent refuses to acknowledge that their actions were hurtful to me.
I've attempted to establish limits with my parent, but they consistently overstep them.
I might be willing to rebuild family ties, but only with clear conditions for interaction.
My parent persists in reaching out, and I'd prefer they didn't.
Given how tense my relationship with my parent is, avoiding contact altogether seems best.
For any reunion to happen, my parent needs to be the one to make adjustments.
Simply feeling isolated isn't a strong enough reason to resume contact with my parent.
20 questions remaining
What You Should Know
- It's hard to keep in touch with family members because you have to understand them and their views without always agreeing with them, and vice versa.
- Even when family members say they are "done" with each other, they are not really "done" with each other. Estrangement never brings peace of mind.
- Estrangement is usually a temporary condition; most people make up at some point.
- There is no one right way for families to be; some families are very close, while others are more distant.
- A broken relationship between a parent and an adult child usually has an effect on many other family relationships.
Now is the time to make changes.
Accept that you have mixed feelings. It shows maturity to love some things about a parent and be angry about others.
Accept differences between generations: Your parent probably has a much narrower view of harm than young people do today.
Learn how to set limits. It's important for all relationships, but especially for families that are having problems, to know how to set and keep protective limits.
