Do You Show Signs of Fawning?
My typical response to provocation involves trying to calm or soothe the person who's upset.
If I notice someone else is distressed, their needs automatically jump to the top of my priority list.
Growing up, I experienced hardship or traumatic events, like having an abusive relative.
When I sense someone's displeasure with me, I immediately want to resolve whatever's wrong.
I hold back my true thoughts when I worry they might harm a connection with someone.
If someone provokes me, I respond by pushing back against them.
It often feels like other people are much more confident and direct than I am.
I frequently find myself stepping into the role of mediator or problem-solver.
I have a habit of trying to make others happy and looking for their validation.
I go out of my way to protect people's emotions, even if I'm the one who's been hurt.
I put on a happy face even when I'm feeling down or angry inside.
I make sure others feel at ease, even when that means putting my own well-being aside.
I sometimes feel like others exploit my kindness or take me for granted.
When I'm annoyed by a situation or person, I voice my concerns openly.
Setting boundaries is tough for me if I fear someone might respond badly.
The thought of confrontation or actual conflict makes me feel nervous.
I struggle to turn people down when they ask me for something.
I really enjoy a lively, spirited debate.
In conflict situations, I tend to give in rather than stick to my position.
I invest time and effort predicting what others might need to prevent issues from coming up.
20 questions remaining
Things to Know
- Some people think that fawning is a fourth way that people deal with stress or trauma, along with fight, flight, and freeze.
- Psychologist Peter Walker, who studies complex PTSD, came up with the term in the early 2000s. The idea is still fairly new, and more research is needed to find out if it really needs a new category of stress response.
- Fawning is when you go out of your way to please and accommodate the person who is hurting you, usually to get rid of the threat. This behavior often comes from long-term relational trauma, like abuse in childhood.
- People who fawn often do things like always trying to please others, being overly vigilant, taking care of others too much, having trouble setting boundaries, being the fixer or peacekeeper, being overly agreeable, and being too accommodating.
- People who fawn as adults are often praised and given positive traits like being selfless, dependable, and adaptable. But these tendencies make it hard to connect with yourself and others. Taking a close look at your past and your habits can help you feel better about yourself and your relationships.
Change
Find fawning. Try to figure out what the fawning response is and give it a name. Find times when you put others first and don't speak up for yourself.
Get back to being real. Accept that things will be uncomfortable and stop expecting things to go your way. Look for real social connections.
Ask for help. A mental health professional can help you look back on your childhood, learn new skills that are better for you, and make your relationships better.
