Boundaries Test
I wish I could decline requests more frequently than I currently do.
My own needs frequently take a backseat to what others want.
Setting clear expectations in relationships feels natural to me.
Avoiding conflict makes me hesitant to refuse requests.
I communicate clearly when someone oversteps my limits.
I make sure my own requirements come first when needed.
I'm able to refuse requests from others when the situation calls for it.
Sometimes I need to refuse even when part of me wants to agree.
I often accommodate others even when it leaves me feeling bitter.
I usually have a clear sense of what I expect from those around me.
I stand my ground when someone tests a limit I've established.
I can refuse without feeling obligated to justify my decision.
If someone ignores a boundary I've set, I enforce the agreed-upon results.
I accept that people might disapprove when I stay true to my choices.
I can manage intense emotional responses from other people.
People frequently exploit my willingness to help.
I feel satisfied when I maintain the limits I've created with others.
I don't hesitate to inform others when they've gone too far.
I decline requests that interfere with my personal objectives.
I keep quiet when people demand more than I'm able to provide.
20 questions remaining
What You Should Know
- People can't respect boundaries if they don't know what they are. If someone asks or demands something that goes against what you need, give them a short but firm explanation and let them know that you still want to talk to them.
- There are both biological and psychological effects of boundaries. They limit exposure to hormones like cortisol and adrenaline that are made in response to stress and the harmful effects of anger.
- People who are good at setting limits have the guts to follow through on the consequences they set for breaking those limits.
- People who are good at setting boundaries can handle any pushback they get when they say no to someone else's request with kindness and firmness.
- If you don't have boundaries, people can take advantage of you and use you.
Do It Now
- Put compassion into the limits you set. Use a kind tone of voice and keep the focus on what you need.
- Don't give long, detailed explanations that open the door to discussion. Boundaries come from the difficulties of life. A short but firm "That doesn't work for me right now" is often all you need.
- Practice being assertive. Find a few phrases that politely say what you need and practice saying them so that you can use them when someone asks you to do more than you can or want to: "I want to help with this project, but I can't." "Ask me next time."
