Assertiveness Test
Most people around me appear more confident and direct than I feel.
When a store clerk rings up the wrong amount, I typically don't bother correcting it.
Saying no comes easily when someone requests something I can't fit into my schedule.
Others frequently overstep boundaries with me.
If someone jumps ahead in a queue, I'll politely request they go to the back.
I'd have a private conversation with a close person if their behavior started bothering me.
I would feel confident asking someone I'm attracted to on a date.
Expressing my emotions doesn't intimidate me.
To avoid upsetting others, I sometimes stay silent about my own hurt feelings.
I don't hesitate to ask questions, even if they might seem silly.
Arguments distress me deeply, even when I know my position is correct.
I'd openly discuss my differing perspective if a friend shared an opinion I strongly oppose.
I actually find lively debates stimulating and fun.
When a sales assistant invests significant time with me, I feel pressured to make a purchase.
Disagreements from others make me anxious and uneasy.
If someone talks over me, I usually let them finish.
I'll directly inquire if I sense someone might be exploiting me.
If a colleague criticized my work in a meeting, I'd defend my approach with clear reasoning.
Friends or my partner often convince me to join social gatherings I'd rather skip.
I have no problem briefly interrupting someone with an urgent question when needed.
20 questions remaining
What You Should Know
Being somewhat assertive is a good place to start. You probably know some of the good things that being assertive has done for you. You could get better at speaking up for yourself if you practiced more.
People who are inconsistent in their assertiveness often have other problems, such as low self-esteem or trouble controlling their emotions.
To be healthy, you need to be assertive and balance your own needs with those of others. It doesn't mean that your needs will always come first.
There are some fights that aren't worth having. Sometimes, being adaptively assertive means not arguing with people who are unreasonable or don't want to hear other points of view.
At first, it may feel strange to be assertive in new situations. The discomfort should go away with time and practice.
Change Now
- Think back to when you could stand up for yourself. What were you good at? Use those strategies the next time.
- Take some time to think about what matters most to you. Knowing what matters most can help you figure out when being assertive will be most helpful.
- Ask a therapist for help. A therapist can help you come up with and practice specific ways to be appropriately assertive in everyday life.
